TLC's 90 Day Fiancé

By Victoria

Recently I’ve been hearing a lot about TLC’s new-ish reality series (the first season finale aired in February already) called 90 Day Fiancé, which follows four couples planning their weddings on a K-1 “Fiancé(e)” Visa. Three people have already brought up in conversation with me, “Hey, you know TLC has this show about people on that visa…” (yes, yes I know) and I’ve been seeing commercials for the show pretty regularly, so as someone in a couple that is about to go through the K-1 Visa process, I was slightly curious about it (although also very skeptical, because it’s TLC). Recently I tuned in and caught just a few episodes toward the end of the series, and I have some mixed feelings about the show.

What I do like is its realistic portrayal of people assimilating to a new country, culture, and family. That is not an easy process on the accelerated timeline required by a K-1 Visa, which requires a couple to be married within 90 days of the non-citizen entering the country on the visa. I do like that the show portrays each of the couples going through a different set of struggles as they progress toward marriage, which to me fits the show’s opening card statement, “This is the story of four couples’ unique journeys” (emphasis mine). And I do especially like that there is a lot of love shown between the couples—Alan and Kirlyam are the cutest!—as well as some of the American family members.

                                            

What I decidedly don’t like is the fear mongering. The storyline of one particular couple, Mike and Aziza (Russia), focuses strongly on the distrust of Mike’s American family, who think Aziza is just using Mike to get U.S. citizenship. One of the episodes I watched saw Mike sit down with his father as his father expressed such moronic concerns as, “If she hasn’t been planning to get U.S. citizenship for a long time already, how come she already speaks better English than me?” Seriously? English has grown to be an international language, and numerous countries require their students to learn it as a second language for practical purposes; if it’s not required, it’s definitely offered. And if she speaks better English than you, then I think that’s an issue on your end, not hers.

Aziza also headed to the salon for a test hair and makeup session with Mike’s sister and cousin, which was intended to be a bonding session for the women and an opportunity for them to get to know each other; however, instead of going with Aziza as she sat in the chair, the two relatives went to a different area for pedicures and gossiped hatefully about their distrust of Aziza’s intentions, including moaning about how they still didn’t know anything about Aziza. She’s sitting on the other side of the salon, for Pete’s sake—if you want to know more about her, go talk to her!

This was followed by an episode featuring a horrifyingly awkward, sorry excuse for a bachelorette party in which the female members of Mike’s family openly distrusted and harassed Aziza for not finding someone in Russia to love instead of Mike. It was disgusting, and although it was spun into a positive by the end of the encounter (by Mike’s mother finally believing Aziza loves Mike only after Aziza broke into tears), it was still pretty humiliating to watch.

I am fully aware there is a stigma attached to the idea of a foreigner gaining permanent residence or citizenship in the U.S. through marriage to a U.S. citizen, and the K-1 Visa is one of the most abused U.S. visas that exist. Believe me: I’m aware. But what kind of environment toward non-citizens have we developed in this country that the first reaction to a U.S. citizen’s engagement to a non-citizen (especially female) is, “Are you sure you’re not being scammed?”

In just the three episodes I watched, Aziza is constantly referred to by Mike’s family—implicitly or explicitly—as a mail-order bride. Are we living in 1910, people? The likelihood of people from different countries finding each other and falling in love increases more and more as online technology develops. Our world is a very open and connected world now. Granted, 90 Day Fiancé doesn’t help alleviate the “mail-order bride” stigma by only featuring couples in which the woman is the foreign non-citizen (how about some couples with male non-citizens, TLC??), as well as couples that have not spent a lot of in-person time together.

As a reality show, of course 90 Day Fiancé will focus on as much drama as it can muster; I just wish it didn’t choose to highlight a stereotype that only further stigmatizes relationships and marriages to foreign non-citizens. There’s more I could say about the show and the issues of perception surrounding K-1 relationships, but for now, suffice it to say that watching 90 Day Fiancé leaves me with both a sweet and sour aftertaste.